jerrylin.net

So, I’ve been sort of packing up and moving the past few hours. Not really, just moving from one room in our house to another. And with each trip that I make, I marvel at how much stuff I actually have, and think that perhaps I have too much – books I don’t read, DVDs I don’t watch, and CDs I don’t listen to, gadgets I don’t use, the list goes on and on.

Isn’t it ironic that it’s only when we have to move that we think we have too much stuff? Usually it’s quite the opposite, isn’t it? We tell ourselves we don’t have enough of this or that, and so we buy more of this and we buy more of that. We fill our closets with more clothes, our bookshelves with more books, our coffee tables with more magazines – we keep filling our lives with more stuff. So, how’s it working for us? Does it really satisfy us? I mean, how much do I really need these things? Let’s be honest, how much do I even want these things, one month later? Or even a week later? Do I even remember that I have these things, one year later? Why ramble on about this? Who really even cares? Apparently, God does:

16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:16-18)

Maybe that shirt I’ve outgrown in my closet could go to Goodwill. Maybe that toy I’ve outgrown could go to a Burmese refugee child. Maybe the college textbooks I no longer have a use for could be sold to help a brother that’s in need. Cause right now, they’re not doing a whole lot besides collecting dust, and I’m sure it won’t be long until they once again fade from memory – until the next time I move.

It’s somewhat of a paradox for a memory to feel both distant and yet like a blur at the same time, but that’s how the past two weeks have felt! This first entry will cover our second week of camps, and I’ll cover the third week in a later entry.

After our first week of camps at YongHe and DingNe, the Taiwan STM 2010 team met back at our base in XiMen and split up again for our second week, with some of us setting out to run a camp in NanKang with Grace Christian Church and others of us staying behind to run an after school program for underprivileged kids in the WanHua district. Unlike our two previous camps, this camp was geared towards junior high and high school students and had more of a summer camp feel to it. Every day, we started off our camp with a main event, in which we challenged our students to “Step Up, Stand Up, Step Out, and Stand Out” through dramatic depictions of Moses encountering God at the burning bush, David standing up to Goliath, Jesus feeding the five thousand with 5 loaves and 2 fishes, and Jesus reaching out to Zacchaeus. After the Main Event, students would rotate as groups through three different classes. Brad and I taught drum basics, Elijah taught games, and Phoebe, Carissa, and Ellen taught crafts. We would end each day with discussion, during which we got to know the kids a little more and were able to have some meaningful conversations on what it would look like for them to step up, stand up, step out and stand out in their families, social networks, and schools. This was perhaps the best part of the camp, as it allowed us to speak to the teens on a more personal level. What we found was that the lives of these Taiwanese teens were not too different than the lives of those in America – we had students who struggled with self-image, being bullied, peer pressure, and at least one who would cut themselves. Even though we know that these are issues that many teens around the world struggled with, it still surprised us to learn that these innocent-looking teens could have carried such heavy burdens in their hearts, and understanding this really spurred us all the more to point them to the hope that we have in Christ! Finally, we ended the camp with a lock-in at Grace Christian church during which we got to know about 20 of our students through a talent show, a photo scavenger hunt, watching Space Jam, and playing Ultimate Ninja! In addition to the camp and the lock-in, we were also able to host an outreach at a nearby park after our first day of camp. We first went to the park on Monday night and played basketball with the many college students that came every evening to play. This opened up opportunities for us to get to know some of them and also let them know about our outreach. Then, on Tuesday night, after the first day of camp, we went back to the park and performed some of our songs and shared the music video that Brad had made for this year’s trip. Mrs. Chiang then related the video to the gospel message and shared about why we had come. STM members not helping with the music were also able to pass out flyers inviting people to Grace Christian church and converse with onlookers about the gospel, and one girl accepted Christ that night!

Following the lock in, we had some free time scheduled for STM members to rest up, so I met up with my cousins Koala and Anne and their parents for lunch. They treated me to a neat Italian place which featured interesting Taiwanese sausages that were colored black using squid ink, and afterwards we watched “Inception” and hung out over tea and dimsum. I really enjoyed spending time with my cousins and getting to know them, and it was neat that even though we weren’t able to grow up together and hadn’t seen each other in over ten years, we still knew we were family and just naturally cared for each other. We also got to talk about life in Taiwan and their views on religion. I was surprised to hear that the Buddhist organization Tzu-Chi had fallen out of favor in Taiwan due to criticism over their leader being worshiped as if she were a goddess as well as the perception that their members cared more about their status and their work within the organization than the well-being of their own families. In contrast, my cousins commented that the general perception of Christianity in Taiwan is that they are truly loving people, as seen in the many hospitals that have been established by Christians. This reminded me of the verse:

Matt. 5:14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

I hope that this is something the church in Taiwan continues to do! The reality of these camps is that we’re only able to spend a few short days with these kids, and though the memory of these camps will surely linger in the hearts of these children that we impact, it is up to the churches we partner with to keep following up and following through to help them come to know and continue to grow in Christ! Also, on a more personal note, I’ve started thinking more seriously about the possibility of serving in Taiwan after I finish seminary, as at least one pastor here has already offered me a job – definitely something I need to pray more about and seek God’s will for!

This past week, the Taiwan STM 2010 began its first English camps. The goals of our camps are to help students with English through teaching them children’s praise songs, playing games, basic grammar and vocabulary. Of course, as Enoch shared last Sunday at the NanHai church, that is simply the wrapping – the true gift we want to share with these children is God’s love by building friendships and sharing with them about what Christ had done for them.

With two camps scheduled for the first week, half of our members relocated to a seminary in DingNe, a small township close to KeeLung, while I stayed with the rest in XiMen for the YongHe camp. As part of the YongHe team, I taught our music along with Serena Liu and also helped plan and act in our main event skits. Every morning, we would leave the house around 7AM, grab breakfast to go from the shop across the street, get on a bus, and get to the YongHe church by 8AM. We would then meet with the coworkers from that church to plan for the day and spend time praying for the camp. The camp itself would start off at 9AM with everyone together in the sanctuary for the main event, where we would lead lead the kids in singing praise songs in both English and Mandarin, and also share a Bible story with them through a skit. Afterwards, they would split up into three groups based on their age and rotate through the music, games, and English classes. We would end each day as one big group, where we reminded them of that day’s theme and led them in singing more songs, and their parents would pick them up at 4PM. Afterwards, we would discuss the day’s events with the local coworkers and talk about ways to improve the camp.

As tiring as our schedule was, getting to love on the kids and seeing them respond to our affection was really neat! They really got into the skits from the main event, and loved to sing the songs that we taught them. For one of the Chinese songs that we taught them, “I see God’s love,” one of the hand motions is to hug the person next to you, and it was so touching to see two of the 1st grade girls rush up to the stage and pounce on Serena =P They called us “teacher,” but treated us more like their brothers and sisters. We felt so blessed to see them light up with smiles and fill the room with songs and laughter, and the special evening presentation for their parents was a bittersweet one as some of the kids really teared up at the thought that camp was coming to an end. It was really an amazing time for all of us, and I’ll truly treasure my memories of them for a long time to come!

As we got to know them, we started to understand some of the situations that they faced. Several of them were from single parent families, and some struggled with feeling accepted and making friends. I think this was a big reason for some of the kids acting up throughout the course of the camp. One of these kids that I got to know was Bob, whose dad had recently passed away. Bob is also the youngest in his family, and his three older sisters would sometimes physically and verbally assault him because of the special affection he would receive as the only son. Bob wasn’t getting along with some of the other kids and got into a fight the very first morning of camp. The second day, Bob got in trouble again, and then he called one of the coworkers at the church “an old hag” to her face, for which he was disciplined, rather harshly by our standards. Upon hearing about what happened between Bob and this coworker, and also learning his story, I was heart broken. I so wanted for Bob to know about God’s love for him, His unconditional love for him, and for him to know that he really was loved, in spite of how this coworker had responded to his outburst. The next morning, I prayed for Bob, and didn’t think much of it later as I had to prepare myself for camp. To my surprise, Bob seemed to have really changed overnight, as he was getting along a lot better with the other kids and even cheerfully brought my lunch bowl to me that day. And if that wasn’t enough, the next day I happened to be behind him in line to wash my lunch bowl, and he offered to wash my bowl as well! The change we all saw in Bob was really just amazing, and we knew that it was God who had moved in his heart somehow =)

As far as updates go, earlier this morning, the YongHe team travelled to DingNe to meet with the other members to host an evangelical outreach at the church there. We’re attending the worship service and even sharing a little bit at the NanHai church tomorrow, and we will be splitting again to run two different camps next week. Thank you so much for your support and faithful prayers, God is definitely working here in Taiwan!

So I’ve been here in Taipei this past week for the 2010 Taiwan STM trip, and God’s really been growing in my heart a love for the people of Taiwan. Specifically, He’s been giving me a heart for the young people of Taiwan – the high school and college students and young working professionals. As I’ve walked along the streets of Taipei, I’ve gotten a glimpse of what their life might be like, the kinds of struggles they face and their outlook on life. I think of Ephesians 2:12, who describes those without Christ as “having no hope and without God in the world,” and I wonder how it is that they’re seeking to fill that void in their heart apart from Him.

So many of these young people are competing fiercely in school – are they really just striving to earn acceptance and affirmation from their parents? So many of the young women imitate the models and celebrities in how they dress and in their use of cosmetics – are they really just yearning for affection and adoration? And from talking with my cousins, I’m learning that more and more young men are sexually active, and more and more with each other, such that government workers hand out condoms and offer reminders to practice safe sex to those exiting the light rail station at Xi Men Ding, a popular hangout for many young people.

It’s this last thought that troubles me the most. I know all too well from my own experience that the enemy wants for young people to fall for the lie that sexual intimacy outside of marriage can bring an escape from the pain of loneliness by leading to emotional intimacy. And with the mounting pressures of succeeding academically or professionally that come with living in such a densely packed society, there’s also the lie that sexual intimacy outside of marriage can provide an escape from the pain of hopelessness.

But the truth is, freedom from loneliness and hopelessness can only only come from one thing, and one thing only – or rather, one Person only, and that’s Jesus Christ. I want so much for the young people of Taipei to know that. I think of the songs “Safe”, “You Are More”, and “By Your Side,” and wonder what would happen if we just went to the club entrances by Xi Men Ding and performed those songs, shared our testimonies, and just prayed for people. Because I want so much for them to know that they can have hope, a hope that is eternal, and that they can have love, a love that endures.

But then the rational side of me starts objecting. “But that’s not the evangelism paradigm our missions board supports. You can only do so much on your own with the few weeks that you have. We need to work through a local church to get them plugged in.” Yet as much as these thoughts bring me down, I know there is wisdom in this as well. So, I don’t know what to do right now. At the very least, I will be more intentional with the time I spend with my family here. Please pray for boldness and for words to be given to me in that regard. And, I’ve met some very cool young people at the church in Taichung. I hope to meet others like them at the churches in Taipei, with whom I hope I can develop longterm friendships and encourage to reach their peers. In the end, perhaps it’s meant to be that I won’t be able to do anything in regards to this year beyond prayer, but that God is simply growing a love in my heart for these young people for a future calling. Who knows? In the meantime, I take comfort that as great a love as I could ever have for them, their Creator loves them far more, and will surely rescue them.

So at our 4th annual Youth Worship Team Retreat, we challenged our teens to read a Psalm they weren’t familiar with and to discover what the Psalm revealed about God. They were then to take what they had learned from the Psalms and write a song praising God for that attribute. For myself, I chose to read Psalm 62, and was greatly encouraged by it.

1 For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
2 He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
3 How long will all of you attack a man
to batter him,
like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
4 They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
but inwardly they curse. Selah
5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
7 On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah

Psalm 62:1-8

There were two things that this Psalm taught me. The first was a reminder of how I should pray. I marveled at the 3rd and 4th verses, which reveal some of the challenges that David was facing at the time he wrote this psalm. But that’s not what David starts the Psalm with. Instead, verses 1 and 2 are centered around God – God’s might, God’s power, God’s faithfulness, God’s salvation. What I realized is that David started off by reflecting on who God is. That’s the reason David is able to say, “I shall not be greatly shaken,” because he was reminding himself that God was his fortress, his rock and his salvation! Interestingly, the Lord’s Prayer also doesn’t start with one’s needs or concerns, but rather with a humbling acknowledgment of God as our Father on His throne in heaven =) Well, what about my own prayers? In contrast, I think I too often start prayer by venting to God about my problems. What a difference that makes! The truth is, peace and joy do not come about through prayer because I’m venting about my problems – rather peace and joy come about through prayer when I’m reminded of who God is in the midst of my pain and our hardship!

The second thing God showed me through this Psalm was a reminder of where my salvation truly comes from. So there’s this little phrase in the English language that we use sometimes, “If only…” So often we murmur to ourselves, “If only I had this” or “If only I was able to do that”, I would be happy.” Let me throw out a couple of examples: “If only I had a million dollars, then I would be happy.” “If only I had a girlfriend, then I would be happy.” “If only I had an iPhone 4, then I would be happy.” I think there’s nothing wrong with having desires and expressing them, and in fact this expression “if only” means that we’re not making too big deal out of that desire that we have. However, that desire can quickly consume us and overwhelm us, and all it takes is a simple switch of word order from “if only” to “only if.” “Only if I had a million dollars would I be happy.” “Only if I had a girlfriend, would I be happy.” “Only if I had an iPhone 4, would I be happy.” All of a sudden, what was just a small desire that would be nice to have becomes something we can’t live without! And that’s where we run into the sin of idolatry, because the only one deserving of the “only if” phrase is God Himself, as this Psalm reminded me that “He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress.”

Thank You Lord, that You are my rock, my refuge, and my salvation. Help me keep the right perspective on my desires, that You alone are my salvation, and the only thing that I need.

This past weekend, our church had invited AZ Cardinal’s defensive end Stevie Baggs to share his testimony with our young people, and I had the opportunity to have dinner with him beforehand as well. He mentioned something that really resonated with what I’d been thinking about that very morning – this pervasive fear and even disdain for anything remotely “religious” that’s crept into the church within the past couple of decades – my own heart included. We shake our heads at those who make habits of prayer, of Bible study, of tithing, of serving, wondering if it isn’t a bit legalistic to be forcing ourselves into doing such things when we simply don’t feel like it. Understandably, it’s a backlash against the legalism that’s marked most of the American church of the last couple of centuries, but when we now utterly refuse the disciplined practice of spiritual growth, perhaps it’s gone too far.

After all, does such a view make sense? Last week I was thinking about how I’ve been trying to get back in shape. I’ve lost about 30 lbs since January, and am trying for 50 by the end of the year. But if I were to apply the same perspective most in the American church have about spiritual growth, I’d only be working out when I felt like it because that’s the only time that it actually accomplishes anything (actually, that’s probably what I believed before I started down this path – and perhaps it explains the obesity that’s plaguing our country). But the reality is that regardless of how I feel, that even the days I don’t feel like working out and dieting, those days where I force myself to just “go through the motions,” it’s still helping to condition my body. So why can’t it be the same for spiritual growth?

This passage from Philippians comes to mind:

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. – Philippians 2:12-13

Stevie shared with us that every day, the first thing he does when he wakes up is grab his Bible and read a chapter of Proverbs. Now there are some days where he’s running late and has to make it up later, but he strives to read one chapter every day without fail. Again, we may be tempted to call that legalism, but don’t you think that God uses that discipline to help him grow spiritually?

What about you? What’s one thing you could do, every day, even the days you don’t feel like it, trusting that ultimately it’s God that’s working it out in you? Maybe it’s reading a chapter a day, like Stevie does. Maybe it’s reading just one paragraph 10 times. Maybe it’s praying throughout the day at regular times. Maybe it’s simply leaving the radio on a Christian radio station. Don’t fall for the excuse that discipline has no value in spiritual matters – train yourself for godliness!

7b Rather train yourself for godliness; 8 for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. – 1 Timothy 4:7b-8

When I woke up this morning and saw that it was only 5AM, my first instinct was to just go back to sleep. But then I thought about Mother Teresa getting up at 4:30AM every day, and also how I had recently been asking for God to give me a deeper hunger and thirst for His Word, and so I wondered if perhaps this was His doing. So instead of rolling back into bed, I went into the living room and prayed a little bit, and I had the sense that God wanted me to read Isaiah 40.

As I read through Isaiah 40, I asked for God to help me understand what He wanted to show me. And wow, did He answer that prayer! I was most struck by the following passage:

6 A voice says, “Cry!” And I said,* “What shall I cry?” All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. 7 The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the LORD blows on it; surely the people are grass. 8 The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.

As I meditated on this passage, images of certain people started coming to mind: Francis Chan, Wayne Grudem, John Piper, and a few others, including her, that I looked up to as spiritual giants. And what was happening was that as each one came to mind, I’d see them just fall down to the ground, facedown. And I realized that what God was trying to show me, that even these people that I looked up to were included in the phrase “all flesh” and were like nothing but grass before God. Their beauty, and her beauty, was like a flower of the field, that could fade in an instant if God were to simply exhale sharply.

And I realized that perhaps I had made the mistake of idolizing them, of putting them up on a pedestal in my mind that they themselves didn’t want to be on. The boundary between gratitude towards another and idolizing them can be a hazy one, but it’s something that I definitely need to watch out for. My worship belongs to one and only one Person alone, and my hope is in one and only one Person alone, God Himself, and I desperately need to keep that perspective in mind.

Whenever I visit a restaurant for the first time, I always make it a point to try what I think is their signature dish. For instance, if it’s a Vietnamese restaurant, I’ll try their pho, or if it’s a Taiwanese restaurant, I’ll try their beef noodle soup. This is probably what a lot of us do, because it makes sense, right? But you know, a friend of mine does something very different. He once shared with me that whenever he goes to a Chinese restaurant, he always orders the egg rolls. When I asked why, he explained that the egg roll is the most basic, most insignificant thing on the menu, and that if the chef was willing to pour out his passion into even his egg rolls, it would tell him a lot about the rest of his cooking. You see, my friend understands that how a chef treated the least of his culinary creations revealed the depth of his love for cooking.

In the same way, Jesus explains that how we treated the least of these in our world would reveal the depth of our love towards Him:

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

Jesus’ concern isn’t so much with how we treat people who are “lovable.” The assumption has always been that if even those who aren’t believers do that, then we will as well, and we shouldn’t content ourselves with that (now, sadly even that is a struggle for some, but that’s for another time). Jesus’ concern is how we treat the least of these, the ones the world considers “unlovable”, the ones who are overlooked, forgotten, even oppressed by society. In fact, how we treat the least of these appears to play a significant part in whether or not we go to eternal punishment or eternal life (Disclaimer: I’m not claiming a causal relationship, but certainly a correlative one. How that works with the being saved by grace through faith, I don’t quite understand yet, but I don’t want to gloss over verse 46 either). Jesus even goes as far as to say that the way we treat them is the way we treat Him, that if we rejected them or ignored them, it was as if we were doing it to Him. I love what Mother Teresa says about her love for the poor in Calcutta: “The dying, the crippled, the mentally ill, the unwanted, the unloved — they are Jesus in disguise.”(1)

I’m reminded of the warning that Proverbs 17:5a gives us: “Whoever mocks the poor insults his Maker.” That’s not something any of us really want to be guilty of! Now most of us probably don’t mock the poor, but I know that sometimes when a World Vision commercial shows up on TV, or a Compassion International presentation is made at a concert, or I drive past someone asking for change, I sometimes do try to shut it out of my mind, because honestly thinking about their situation makes me feel uncomfortable. I tell God, “I just don’t have the money, Lord. I’m a poor seminary student/youth ministry intern.” Or, “I just don’t have the time to stop, Lord. I’m on my way to a meeting.” And yet even as I offer up my excuses, I look back at the person and am somewhat filled with regret. And I wonder to myself, “What if…. what if that was Jesus?” But there are times when God really does prompt me and I go out of my way to give. And I can honestly say that I’ve never regretted any of those times. It just feels right to give and to serve. And many times I’ve been blessed in return, if only in the form of being reminded of the expensive grace that the Father lavished upon us.

In particular, I think of a ministry I’ve been a part of for the past month. Because of the turmoil that’s taken place in Burma, over a million people have fled the country and some of them have come here to Phoenix. So every Saturday, I take some teens up to one of these communities of Burmese refugees up in Northern Phoenix, reaching out to their children and youth. We spend a couple of hours with them, teaching them English, math, sharing a short devotion with them, and leading them in a time of worship. It’s simply an amazing time, and there’s always a sense of joy in our hearts and theirs when we leave. For those of you who’ve been going, thank you so much. I hope the time with the kids has blessed you greatly in return. For those of who haven’t gone out yet, it’s one way you can love Jesus by loving the least of these (if you’re interested in checking it out, let me know and I’ll be happy to take you – I’ll eventually have a video up this weekend that shares more about what we do there and why, so check for that).

My prayer is that God will give you a heart for the least of these: may He show you His face as you reach out to them as His hands and His feet.

(1) http://www.time.com/time/reports/motherteresa/t891204.html

Even as I celebrate hitting the 30lbs lost mark today, it’s a sobering to reflect on how mixed up this world is. That here in America, we have to strive so hard to stay in shape because we consume too much food, while globally 25,000 people die from starvation every single day, and 1 billion people do not have enough to eat. Even more troubling is the statistic that every 6 seconds, a child dies from starvation.

So what should we do? What can we do? I don’t know, I’m completely at a loss for this one. All I know is, when Jesus comes back, He’ll make everything right somehow.

I had an interesting dream last night, so I’m going to jot down my thoughts while they’re still fresh. I think I was at a retreat or a conference, and I don’t know what the speaker was saying but I was just intent on reading my Bible. I think I was in Revelation somewhere and was fixed on a verse that talked about the surpassing/exceeding worth or value of the blood of Christ in comparison to that of the saints who suffer and endure the tribulation. I tried to search this morning and ironically really want to read through Hebrews again soon because of all the references to Christ’s blood there, but I think I was dreaming about this verse:

9 After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. 13 Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?” 14 I answered, “Sir, you know.” And he said, “These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. (Revelation 7:9, 13-14)

I think what I was contemplating on in the dream was just how much more precious the blood of Christ was than that of these saints or even martyrs that suffer much for the sake of Christ. We don’t see them coming before God parading their victory through the tribulation, and we don’t see them being washed by their own blood – no, we see them being washed by the blood of the Lamb. Only Jesus’ blood can wash us and make us white as snow.

Sometimes, that can be so easy to lose sight of. Last week, I talked about fixing our eyes on Christ and running the race towards Him, but I want to emphasize something I wrote in that note: He’s already won the race for us. Sometimes we run and we run and we’re fixed on our walk and we get discouraged because we forget that.

I know that this is something I struggle with. Sometimes I look at other people, other pastors, missionaries, even my classmates at seminary, and I’m thinking to myself, “Wow, they really love Jesus.” And then I look at myself and think about all my struggles and weaknesses and deficiencies, and I’m like, “Wow, do you really belong here? What are you even thinking?”

I was encouraged by a conversation I once had with a friend:

“Of course, but we tend to look up to these missionaries, and in the end, it should encourage us instead of discourage us. They did not go to another country to intimidate us, but to show that they do not hold on to anything of importance to this world except for God, and by that statement alone, just shows how our hearts should be. But I’m sure they struggle just as much as we do. They are no different – in the coming days of Judgment, they will be on their knees, just like us. And Jesus does the coolest thing ever. The thing is, it’s not what we did on earth, it’s what Jesus did that counts.”

So if that’s where you’re at, you’re struggling with doubt about your love for God and whether or not God loves you in return, may this be a word of encouragement to you: We’re saved by one thing and one thing only, the precious blood of Jesus Christ.

What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;

Glory! Glory! This I sing—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
All my praise for this I bring—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;

So, I don’t know what brought this all about. Maybe it was the crazy conversation I had last night with Louis and Rick after TH501, where Rick was just sharing about the things that God had been showing him and just seeing his passion for God’s holiness and God’s mercy, and how hard it can be to believe, to trust that Christ’s atonement paid for all of our sin. Maybe God just wanted to remind me of what Jesus did. Who knows?